top of page

LOWCOUNTRY RAMBLER
NOVEMBER 2023

Beheading babies doesn’t bother the BBC

The BBC has chosen not to describe Hamas as terrorists. The past-its-prime media outfit explained that “[t]errorism is a loaded word, which people use about an outfit they disapprove of morally.” Apparently, the bigwigs at the BBC consider beheading babies as morally subjective. 

 

Moral depravity finds home in Vegas, Part XXX

Elsewhere in the land of poor decisions, two Las Vegas teens accused of fatally running over a retired police chief recently appeared in court, where they laughed at each other and smiled before flipping off the victim’s family during a hearing earlier this week. As we all know, it’s common to hear, “Every generation thinks the youth are worse than the generation before.” In 2023, they are making a strong case for the win.

 

Certain that diamonds are forever

A customer in Midtown Manhattan was checking his safety deposit box at a jewelry store in the Diamond District when a timing mechanism closed the vault door, locking him inside for 10 hours. Sources say that the customer confessed that he was running out of songs to sing about diamonds long before midnight but remains absolutely sure that he has the correct rock for his son to have an upcoming engagement.

  

Crisps are too yummy, says me Mum

The British Medical Journal has reported ice cream, chips, French fries, soda, cake and cookies may be as addictive as nicotine and heroin. Big Junk Food has stuffed their jaws with denials.  

 

Try kicking elsewhere

After the Gamecocks managed to snatch a loss from the jaws of victory when playing Florida, Coach Shane Beamer kicked something he “wasn’t supposed to,” and broke his foot. Fans are hopeful what he kicked was the defensive secondary, in the — rhymes with crass.

 

Learning the secret of sales

The leaders of Victoria’s Secret have announced they plan “to bring sexy back,” after their first-hand experience of “go woke, go broke.” We are shocked at the news that the new plan seemed so well thought out:  They made the loud-mouthed, America-hating, washed-up soccer player Megan Rapinoe as one of the spokesmodels for the brand, fired the famous “Angel” supermodels and began featuring plus-sized and trans women. Who would have thought that idea would be a flop?

 

UFC helps Bud Light man-up

Over in the land of Seeking a Man Card, Bud Light was busy wrapping up a deal with the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFF). This six-year ad buy is reportedly worth north of $100 million. If this move is not merely an aberration, the Rambler bets the Clydesdales will be running in the snow in holiday commercials and Bud will be back on path to being the King of Beers.

Beheading babies doesn’t bother the BBC

The BBC has chosen not to describe Hamas as terrorists. The past-its-prime media outfit explained that “[t]errorism is a loaded word, which people use about an outfit they disapprove of morally.” Apparently, the bigwigs at the BBC consider beheading babies as morally subjective. 

 

Moral depravity finds home in Vegas, Part XXX

Elsewhere in the land of poor decisions, two Las Vegas teens accused of fatally running over a retired police chief recently appeared in court, where they laughed at each other and smiled before flipping off the victim’s family during a hearing earlier this week. As we all know, it’s common to hear, “Every generation thinks the youth are worse than the generation before.” In 2023, they are making a strong case for the win.

 

Certain that diamonds are forever

A customer in Midtown Manhattan was checking his safety deposit box at a jewelry store in the Diamond District when a timing mechanism closed the vault door, locking him inside for 10 hours. Sources say that the customer confessed that he was running out of songs to sing about diamonds long before midnight but remains absolutely sure that he has the correct rock for his son to have an upcoming engagement.

  

Crisps are too yummy, says me Mum

The British Medical Journal has reported ice cream, chips, French fries, soda, cake and cookies may be as addictive as nicotine and heroin. Big Junk Food has stuffed their jaws with denials.  

 

Try kicking elsewhere

After the Gamecocks managed to snatch a loss from the jaws of victory when playing Florida, Coach Shane Beamer kicked something he “wasn’t supposed to,” and broke his foot. Fans are hopeful what he kicked was the defensive secondary, in the — rhymes with crass.

 

Learning the secret of sales

The leaders of Victoria’s Secret have announced they plan “to bring sexy back,” after their first-hand experience of “go woke, go broke.” We are shocked at the news that the new plan seemed so well thought out:  They made the loud-mouthed, America-hating, washed-up soccer player Megan Rapinoe as one of the spokesmodels for the brand, fired the famous “Angel” supermodels and began featuring plus-sized and trans women. Who would have thought that idea would be a flop?

 

UFC helps Bud Light man-up

Over in the land of Seeking a Man Card, Bud Light was busy wrapping up a deal with the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFF). This six-year ad buy is reportedly worth north of $100 million. If this move is not merely an aberration, the Rambler bets the Clydesdales will be running in the snow in holiday commercials and Bud will be back on path to being the King of Beers.

StMikesSecond.png
Tag Cloud
bottom of page