Your voice 

Thank you, many kind readers; we have heard from dozens of you with new subscriptions and renewals. We are a newspaper that is in your hands — in the most literal way — and in the notion of what kind of support you choose to offer. We are delighted to provide our voice for you if you kindly agree to be a part of the paying subscribers. Please see our website for how to sign up or renew. 


Royal triggers 

The Daily Mail reported that one of Prince William’s “triggers” is undue criticism of his wife, Kate Middleton (whom he also prefers to refer to as Catharine); evidently the Duchess of Cambridge has been referred to as “the Duchess of Dolittle” in his hearing. The Rambler investigated and discovered that the prince’s other triggers include telling him that iced sweet tea is better than hot tea, asking him what his favorite Fourth of July celebration is and referring to him as the Dude of Cambridge. We do have sympathy, though ... it must be horrid being around commoners with that inalienable right of free speech.


It’s a disease

FITSNews has reported that multiple sources close to the investigation into the murders of Paul and Maggie Murdaugh has linked substantial physical evidence to father and husband Alex Murdaugh. It’s rumored that Murdaugh’s lawyer will try to push for sympathy based on his client’s drug addiction. The Rambler had no idea that drug addiction was an excuse for murder and will now be petitioning for a number of violent criminals to be released immediately from prison. 


Class (clown) act 

Actress Betty White has died just weeks shy of her 100th birthday. White was a known supporter of animal conservation; what the Rambler didn’t know was that she supported the Riverbanks Zoo and even spoke at their 1994 annual banquet. Thanks for “being a friend” for so long, Betty. 


On a more serious note

Although you won’t hear this via a hysterical media, the Rambler encourages those worried about the Omicron variant of COVID to speak to their doctor, or a doctor friend. We believe they’ll hear the same thing, no matter which medical professional they choose:  Omicron is off-the-charts contagious, and every single person will have it, no matter what they do. Those who are vaccinated  should experience symptoms on par with a mild cold ... and the good news is Omicron is mild for even the un-vaxxed, and may carry the U.S. into real “herd immunity.”  

Tag Cloud